How often do you make goals for yourself and actually follow-through with them?
As men, the primary form of currency that gains us respect from other men is our word. When you are known to be “a stand-up guy”, “a solid dude”, or “a man of his word”, you are recognized as someone who can be trusted. In this world it is hard to find good people who can be relied upon, so being reliable is a major asset in your social and business life.
Do not underestimate the power of your word! I’m going to say that again just to emphasize how important this is…
Do not underestimate the power of your word!
As The Wu-Tang Clan says, “Word is bond!” In other words, your bond with other people is only as good as your word. Flaky people usually have other flaky friends, and by surrounding yourself by people like that, you’re basically inviting terminates to wreak havoc on the structure of your social network.
Although we might have an image of who we are as a reliable person, our minds have an amazing ability to distort reality. We often see ourselves the way we want to, instead the way we are. Maybe we are reliable on small things, but when push comes to shove, are we truly dependable?
We make claims about all the big goals we’re going to accomplish, we make it our story and tell everyone about it, then we abandon all our goals and rationalize it by telling ourselves, “I would have done that, but I didn’t really want to do that anyways.” We change over time, but if we look at our goals from just a few months ago, how drastically have they changed? If you answered “drastically” then you really must hear my experience…
I’ve been a goal-setter since I was very young, but even though I’d have longs lists of all the things I was going to do, there’d always be goals that I skipped, until eventually I’d tell myself, “I never really wanted to do that anyways,” and strike them off the list.
It wasn’t until one day when I was talking to a business associate, someone who I have a great deal of respect for, who sat me down and explained to me that in business the most important element of any relationship is our word. Without our word, we win short-term gains and lose on greater opportunities. Without our word we tarnish our reputation. Without our word we limit our growth so incredibly to the point that we virtually are never growing at all. Suddenly, a cloud was lifted from my eyes…
Although I saw myself as reliable and committed, I was often copping-out on my commitments. It wasn’t that I was lying about my commitments. In fact, in the moment I’d commit to something, I truly believed myself that I would do what I said I’d do. However, over time my mind would come up with creative was to escape my commitments and rationalize it somehow.
My relationship with myself has not been totally reliable, and it was reflected in my relationships with others. As the saying goes, “the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”
As this truth started to reveal itself, it became clear that I had to change to grow. I decided that I’m going to weigh every single word I say before making commitments. I’m going to stop making promises I can’t keep and offering things I don’t have. I’m going to be a man of my word.
It hasn’t been long since that day, but in the days that have passed since then, everything has changed. I wake up and instead of telling myself, “I’ll just snooze and do it later”, I jump out of bed enthusiastically and say, “I’ll do it now”, because I know I’d be lying to myself otherwise. When a friend invites me to a party, if I really don’t want to go and don’t plan on going, I don’t say, “I’ll be there!” then break the plan because I scheduled three other meetings at the same time, I just don’t commit if I’m not certain.
With this new perspective, I know that if I make a commitment and break it, I’m just lying to myself. This new-found wisdom has led me to step up to a lot bigger challenges and do instead of talking.
Based on these experiences, I’d guess that if you are failing to keep commitments to yourself, you are probably flaking out on commitments to others, too. Do you find ways to rationalize your failure to accomplish your goals? I invite you to try this exercise because I think it could help you:
Think of that one goal you keep saying you’ll do and keep avoiding. The last time you actually had the opportunity to act upon it, what was the creative excuse you made to avoid it? Write down all the different excuses that you’ve used.
Now, with all these excuses in front of you it probably seems so obvious that you’re only kidding yourself. So how are you going to actually take action on this goal? Here’s a great way to break that pattern: The next time one of these excuses comes up, ask yourself, “Am I inventing things to avoid the important?” (credit: Tim Ferriss)
Once you start to get in the habit of catching yourself making excuses, you will gain awareness of yourself. Integrity is doing what you say you’re going to do — that’s it. Catch yourself in the act and you are building integrity.
Give it a try and share your results in the comments!
Popularity: 19% [?]
{ 2 comments }
